Tag: Mental health awareness

On My ‘First’ Mother’s Day.

Today is such a special day for me. In it lies such a mixture of emotions that I imagine may always be present.

Today I am not only mindful of the joy that has been brought upon my life through motherhood, but I am also mindful of the grief. I’m mindful of my first born and the greatest loss of my life thus far.

It was just last year that I experienced my first Mother’s Day. Where I was recognized and honored by friends and family. Where I felt a small glimpse into that joy.

However short lived and conflicting my emotions may have been that day…

However worthy yet empty I may have felt…

While being celebrated I also grieved and I was seen in that grief. I was comforted in that grief. And I was honored.

While this is not my first Mother’s Day, it IS the first that I am able to celebrate. It’s the first that I am able to hold my child and love on them and fully embrace the joy of motherhood.

Although I still grieve, the pain is not nearly as strong and the peace exceeds expectations here.

I’m grateful for the ups and downs this journey has taken me on. A road so unexpected. A turn that has truly changed who I am as a person. I’m still learning who this new person is, but grateful to be able to experience her.

I thank God that when I needed comfort and stability and truth and love… He did not withhold it from me… even when I withheld it from Him. He is Truly so unlike us Humans.

I thank God for the people in my life who saw me and who see me. For those who loved on me and respected my space. For those who grieved and continue to grieve with me.

At a time when you can really feel so alone, God made SO certain that I knew that I was not. That I AM not. That I was seen and am forever seen. That as a family unit, this affected us in so many ways. God the Father and Most Holy Sovereign One did what He does. And I will never unsee or un-feel THAT.

There is a space for those of us who have experienced infant loss. It’s a space we can go to within ourselves as we heal. And it’s one that also allows us to see and honor the others of us who have this shared experience.

I feel blessed that I get to mother after loss. I feel blessed that I get to see so many others mother after loss. But I also feel for those who have not yet or will not ever. My heart truly goes out to you.

To all of us, I give the greatest of hugs.

And to every Mother in every form… To You beautiful, complicated, worthy, strong, souls… I honor You and acknowledge You and say…

Happy Mother’s Day.

Always,

Be 💛

Philippians 4

On First Encounters.

My mom met my son for the first time the other day.

I, honestly, didn’t know how it would feel. And I still don’t. I wasn’t sure what to expect and that made me anxious.

This past week had made me anxious.

It has taken its toll. Not only because of the George Floyd verdict, but the visit and I returned to work after 4 months…

It was a week.

I was thinking that I hadn’t been able to see her or hug her in over a year.

But with my mom, I had been thinking that my mom may never get to meet my son or that he would end up being a toddler (or older) by the time she did.

COVID has truly taken so much from us.

But it’s something you’d think I’d expect. After all, mental illness has taken so much from my family, from my mom…

But, with my mom having moved placements, however, there is a light. And soon we’ll actually be able touch. 🤗

See, although we got our visit, we had to socially distance still. I guess I just hadn’t thought about that part (although it makes perfect sense that we would). All of these visions of my being able to hug her and her finally being able to hold and hug my son… and it wasn’t so.

Soon it will come though. With vaccinations… Soon come Mom.

Until that time, I’m grateful for the hugs and smiles and words that my baby boy receives daily. I’m grateful for everyone that loves on him in a way that my mom has not yet been able to. In a way that, if I’m honest, she never will.

Man, mental illness has really taken so much from us.

On International Women’s Day 2019

Last year I posted this on my Facebook page, along with 2 images of my Mom.

There’s SO much I could say to this post.

But I won’t say it all.

I have struggled this past year, coping with the neverending loss of my mom (and I say never ending because my Mom is still alive, but I grieve, constantly, for the loss of the mother I grew up with).

As I make this transition back home, I am mindful of this opportunity to nurture and support my mom like she has done to me, my family, and others around her throughout her life.

While I am growing increasingly aware of the cyclical nature of life, I am grateful for the gift of nurturing bestowed upon me by this woman. Through the God that she so purposefully introduced me to YEARS ago.

Mothers, daughters, sisters, friends…

Take some time today and Be still. Rest in the uncertainty, the knowledge, the wisdom, the purpose, the breath, the boldness, & the potential of your Womanness.

On #InternationalWomensDay take heed of my friend, Amber Rochelle’s, advice and #OwnYourTruth.

That does not mean to simply acknowledge it, but take ownership, control, and care of it. Embrace it. Know its ins and outs and be a steward of it.

Love y’all Always,

Be 💛