Dating Jesus – Be: Speaking Light

It Takes Time

It Takes Time:
There’s a Yuna song, Time and the chorus goes:
“It takes time
It takes a little time, baby
It will be fine, yeah
It takes time, baby”

That song along with watching my newly acquired bamboo palm tree growing, inspired this piece.
I’ve never really valued time. Either I was feeling as though all days were the same or, I was just feeling like I’ll always have it.

As I’ve gotten older, it only became an issue because it affected others. Not me… I got time.

That is until recently… And I started to see my “lax” internal timeline start encroaching in on itself… And my time seemed less like… time.

When you’re black, your lack of value towards time and all that it means, is simply called CPT. We’re always late.
The cookout will start late.
So will church.
And any gathering of the masses… We will be late. But it’s ok. We have time.

But as you integrate into the real world and interact with others…. There’s less… time.
On-time is actually 5-15 minutes early…?
Church runs on a TIGHT schedule.?
Parties start on-time and end… Early…?
And you find yourself struggling so much that you miss one of your best friend’s ENTIRE wedding (true story, ask her).

You find yourself not only late, but lost… And different. And… ALWAYS LATE!

I mean, in retrospect, black people have been late, systemically, for a LONG time… But dang. This time concept is… A real thing.

But I digress, because aside from being late to important things you still aren’t as phased, until, that is, you start to see that God is getting a little lax on His time with you.

(Well, specifically on the timeline you gave Him in secret, over a decade ago cuz you felt like it was sufficient time for Him to do what He does and fulfill his promises or your heart’s desires or whatever.)
But Lord, why has the decade passed and I’m not really seeing you doing what I thought I told You you said you would do?

But why am I still here? Feeling like I’m actually going backwards? And why don’t I feel like I’m making progress on any of the goals that I set?
Why am I not married with kids or dating with expectation? Or talking with excitement? I mean… We’re still here?
Or back there because, again, I’m where I said I wanted to be a few years ago, not where I said I wanted to be now?

But then you hear poems about breaking up with God. .And you see small messages from people speaking to people like you about the importance of this…time.
This time of singleness, solitude, wilderness, desert, fire….
It is time to refine You.
Redefine You.
Reconceived the notion, the concept, the idea, and the value of Time.
And see that His timing is not Yours. His values are not Yours.
He VALUES time.
It is with Time that he forms his most precious things.
Like babies in their mothers’ wombs.
Like some of the greatest of trees.
Like this World.

Like… your Faith.

He values Time. There is time for everything.
And He requests and requires your time as well.
You seek Him and can’t find him because you seek him as if he is hiding under your couch and when He isn’t there you give up. Like it’s a game of hide and seek. Be this is not a game but a lifestyle of worship.
This is not a game but a relationship.
You must SPEND time AND take time with Him.
Get to know Him. His heart. Learn His desires for you.
Time with Him is not guaranteed and while you still have breath in your lungs, spending time with Him to truly develop this relationship of worship is what is most important.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: [Ecclesiastes 3:1]

He has soo much for you. Plans to share. Weeds to pull. Seeds to plant. A heart to expose. A diamond to refine.

But time is of the essence.
The essence of who He is.
The essence of how you will get to know His desires for you outside of your own.
The essence of your time.

I have spent WAY too much time being afraid
And confused. And absent. And confused and afraid because I was absent.
And then one day, God reminded me of why I was struggling so much. He reminded me of a poem that brought me to tears. But really has me bawling now. Because I NOW understand where I have been. How I have been.

Learning to value time after 30 years is not easy. It requires FIRST being told that you don’t.
And then learning skills to put into practice that work for people that do.
Thinking outside of the box you created for yourself… Which often means trying things that you tried before, but felt didn’t work… And prioritizing.

And remembering that you, your time, what you focus on is of the utmost importance. Worship is of the utmost importance.
So take your time… His time, and give it to Him.
I used to do “Dates with Jesus”. It was a fairly direct and structured way to spend time with God. To improve our relationship.
The problem was, I let that be the only way. So if I didn’t put aside 40 minutes a day to do each. Or if I did and didn’t feel different… I felt discouraged.

That’s the enemy. He perverts things that way.

But that discouragement worked and over time I took away His time, out of guilt or shame.
In return I felt even more disconnected. And then more shame…. It cycled.
And to the point that the very thing that connected me to God was perverted and I could no longer believe that I was worthy or capable of connecting with Christ unless I went to extremes.

Makes me think of those images you see in movies or books about preists beating themselves when they fell short.

But finally, in pure frustration with how far removed I had become…
(That was the Spirit. He shines light into your darkness like that.)
I cried out to God. And asked Him what I needed to do. And he simply said: Give me time.

He didn’t say: exactly 40 minutes, 40 days of fasting, and 6 days a week in the gym (this was a thing for me as well)… But, simply: Give Me Time.

This is not omitting what you may need to do but, rather prioritizing what I need you to do right now. Let me show you.
But I cannot show you what you are not giving time to receive.

So, basically. Read the Word. Pray. Sit in silence sometimes, but if that feels like something you’re not ready for… Read some more. Write. Talk. Talk it out. Write it out. Listen to sermons. And talk to those friends, those people that will really speak Life into you.

And then…. Give IT time.
Time for the seeds I have planted, specifically, and maticulously inside of you to grow… They will. You will see them.
Those and the weeds that we need to remove.

It takes time.

I’ve learnt and lost along the way
Yeah, I made mistakes
Yeah I felt all kinds of pain
And the reason why I’m here to stay
Is because my momma said
For things to be alright
“It takes time
It takes a little time, baby
It will be fine, yeah
It takes time, baby”
-“Time”, Yuna

Stay Blessed Y’all

Always,
Be
Follow my blog with Bloglovin
Follow me on Instagram for regular updates while I learn to take time for Him.

Being Light Throwback: “Dating Jesus: In All Things Have Grace”

If I’ve learned one thing during my weight-loss journey it is the importance of having grace for myself.

I know this series usually focuses on my relationship with God, but for me, my weight-loss/fitness journey is my visual representation of my walk with Christ. For me, I can see no difference between how I take care of my body & how I worship God. After all, we are called to worship and honor God with our bodies [Romans 12:1; 1 Corinthians 6:20]. So it only makes since that I use this example when talking about grace.

Currently I am in this place in my weight-loss journey that I’ve seen before. Feeling a little hopeless. Hopeless because of countless attempts to eat better and exercise but I keep allowing myself to be distracted or unmotivated. I fail. And because I keep telling myself that I’m failing or I suck at this, I remain in this pattern of self-hate. And that’s unhealthy.

So, I had to step back (and really I have to do this often) and remind myself that I truly can start over at any time. And although I might be operating in fear right now, God has given me grace and victory over anything. I have to remind myself that every error I make is just that, an error. It’s a part of the journey and I can’t hold onto a false belief that I’m going to get everything right the first time I try. I spent 20+ years creating bad habits for myself. One day won’t immediately erase those habits.

You have to have grace and allow for mistakes because in all realness; You’re learning how to live again.

The same thing can be said for your Spiritual journey. You’re a new creation which means old things are officially in the past, but this doesn’t mean old habits just end. It doesn’t mean old beliefs that we held on to just go away. And this doesn’t mean you will automatically be able to do everything you’re supposed to do the first time you try. This is why I choose to emphasize this as a “journey”.

Ultimately God intends to work on us as individuals and as a Body until the day Jesus returns [ Philippians 1:6]. This means there will always be areas of growth and improvement. And this means that there will also be times where we fall short or even give up. That’s the human in us. The goal, however is that, eventually, we become completely Spirit led.

The thing about that is, we have to put in a lot of effort and time throughout our lives in order to know God’s will for us and in order to do His will. Again, this is where error is expected. And this is why God’s grace is sufficient. We just don’t want to become dependent on Grace when we can do better with His Spirit in us. God’s grace is what has frees us from having to live in sin [Galatians 5:13; Romans 6].

So… today, I’m going to walk in God’s grace and forgive myself for the mistakes I make along this journey to full health. I will proclaim victory over my entire life because God has graced me with it. And I will NEVER give up on myself because God chose me and adopted me. Because God needs me to help Glorify Him. And God loves me so much that he allowed Jesus to be crucified for me.

I will rebuke any thoughts that attempt to keep me trapped in my old ways and rebuke myself if needed.

I pray that in all things… we ALL experience and dwell in God’s grace & glory.

Being Light Throwback: “Dating Jesus: Staying Committed”

I have a confession…

I have a problem with commitment.

Not in relationships… well, I guess in relationships, but not the kind you’re probably thinking of.
You see, I have a problem with committing to myself.
With committing to changing myself fully; with committing to accepting my purpose; and really, with committing to my personal relationship with God.

I’m a faster… as in, I fast, kind of often… well, at least I try to.
In 2012, when I did my first fast, I must say, although it was a challenge, once I got the hang of it & made it a habit with purpose, I was good. At one point I fasted for 40-days. I’m not bragging, because the circumstance kind of required it, but I’m just saying…that was me over a year ago.

But then…2013 came. Last March I wrote a piece on “No Compromising Season”… that was the season I was in. During that time, it was my intent to fast again because I’d noticed a few things and I felt my flesh getting too strong. I had started to lose control.
Before I move on, I feel that it’s necessary to reiterate that when it comes to my relationship with God; my physical health is pretty much my visual indicator of how I’m doing. (And on a funnier note, I’ve kind of used my natural hair journey as an indicator too).
So last March when I noticed my weight gain + my hair breakage I was perplexed. I had felt that I was doing the right things in my walk to at least maintain a healthy weight (and healthy hair), but my body said otherwise. So when I wrote “No Compromising Season” I had a few revelations. The biggest one being… I was allowing myself to be content with mediocre efforts.
The reality was, although my eating wasn’t horrible, I was inconsistent. And didn’t go to the gym. And when it came to my relationship with God, I went to church, but had stopped meditating on God’s Word as soon as I felt that His Spirit was no longer responding to the effort.

I had become lax… I had started comprising during the process. RIGHT when I had to start making a little more effort, I fell off. And that is how I became vulnerable. The minute I let go of what worked was the minute the enemy crept in and presented me with opportunity after opportunity to forget where I was going and why. And with some of the smallest of thing. God had continued to tell me I was in a season where I couldn’t compromise within the journey, but the longer I ignored that voice the easier it was to give in and indulge in things that weren’t good for me. I, in essence, started cheating on God. I couldn’t see it though because it was nothing “major”. I still attended church & served, & listened to Christian music every morning. I just listened to my secular music the rest of the day and had stopped making efforts to improve my service or even make sure I did it to glorify Him instead of myself.
As a result… eventually I couldn’t even tell whose voice I was hearing; who I was really devoting myself to; whose spirit I was really walking in.

And I’m still in the struggle. It’s better, but after a year of compromises, I’ve found that the things that I used to do, like fasting, take 4x as much effort a day than it did that first time. And that’s a scary place to be.
I said a while ago that I will never give up on my fitness journey and this goes for maturing in Christ as well.
He didn’t create me to be mediocre. He created me to glorify Him. He created me to be His child. He created me to be set apart. And for a God that loved me so much that He died for me… I can never give up allowing my flesh to die for Him. And for the God who rose from the dead for me… I will always take each day to rise out of my failures for Him.
It won’t be easy, and that’s ok. Because I am His I receive victory. Because of His Spirit in me & His grace, I have strength & wisdom. Because of His Word I have all the weapons I need to be an overcomer.

And the same goes for you! Today you may not be the best “Christian” you can be or life may generally suck; that doesn’t mean you can just do the “fade away” with God. One, He’s good for chasing after you. Lol. And, Two, He deserves better.

How can you get re-committed?

Seek His face… get to know who God is; how he operates; for yourself. Take a little time (5 minutes never hurt anyone). Read His Word & pray. Keep a verse in your head for the day. Learn who He is.

I personally love Psalms 119… longest book in the Bible, but probably contains something for everyone. One verse from that can reveal your heart. Give it a try… you have to start somewhere.

Always,
Be