It Takes Time

It Takes Time:
There’s a Yuna song, Time and the chorus goes:
“It takes time
It takes a little time, baby

It will be fine, yeah
It takes time, baby”

That song along with watching my newly acquired bamboo palm tree growing, inspired this piece.
I’ve never really valued time. Either I was feeling as though all days were the same or, I was just feeling like I’ll always have it.

As I’ve gotten older, it only became an issue because it affected others. Not me… I got time.

That is until recently… And I started to see my “lax” internal timeline start encroaching in on itself… And my time seemed less like… time.

When you’re black, your lack of value towards time and all that it means, is simply called CPT. We’re always late.
The cookout will start late.
So will church.
And any gathering of the masses… We will be late. But it’s ok. We have time.

But as you integrate into the real world and interact with others…. There’s less… time.
On-time is actually 5-15 minutes early…?
Church runs on a TIGHT schedule.?
Parties start on-time and end… Early…?
And you find yourself struggling so much that you miss one of your best friend’s ENTIRE wedding (true story, ask her).

You find yourself not only late, but lost… And different. And… ALWAYS LATE!

I mean, in retrospect, black people have been late, systemically, for a LONG time… But dang. This time concept is… A real thing.

But I digress, because aside from being late to important things you still aren’t as phased, until, that is, you start to see that God is getting a little lax on His time with you.

(Well, specifically on the timeline you gave Him in secret, over a decade ago cuz you felt like it was sufficient time for Him to do what He does and fulfill his promises or your heart’s desires or whatever.)
But Lord, why has the decade passed and I’m not really seeing you doing what I thought I told You you said you would do?

But why am I still here? Feeling like I’m actually going backwards? And why don’t I feel like I’m making progress on any of the goals that I set?
Why am I not married with kids or dating with expectation? Or talking with excitement? I mean… We’re still here?
Or back there because, again, I’m where I said I wanted to be a few years ago, not where I said I wanted to be now?

But then you hear poems about breaking up with God. .And you see small messages from people speaking to people like you about the importance of this…time.
This time of singleness, solitude, wilderness, desert, fire….
It is time to refine You.
Redefine You.
Reconceived the notion, the concept, the idea, and the value of Time.
And see that His timing is not Yours. His values are not Yours.
He VALUES time.
It is with Time that he forms his most precious things.
Like babies in their mothers’ wombs.
Like some of the greatest of trees.
Like this World.

Like… your Faith.

He values Time. There is time for everything.
And He requests and requires your time as well.
You seek Him and can’t find him because you seek him as if he is hiding under your couch and when He isn’t there you give up. Like it’s a game of hide and seek. Be this is not a game but a lifestyle of worship.
This is not a game but a relationship.
You must SPEND time AND take time with Him.
Get to know Him. His heart. Learn His desires for you.
Time with Him is not guaranteed and while you still have breath in your lungs, spending time with Him to truly develop this relationship of worship is what is most important.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: [Ecclesiastes 3:1]

Phonto (1) (2)
He has soo much for you. Plans to share. Weeds to pull. Seeds to plant. A heart to expose. A diamond to refine.

But time is of the essence.
The essence of who He is.
The essence of how you will get to know His desires for you outside of your own.
The essence of your time.

I have spent WAY too much time being afraid
And confused. And absent. And confused and afraid because I was absent.
And then one day, God reminded me of why I was struggling so much. He reminded me of a poem that brought me to tears. But really has me bawling now. Because I NOW understand where I have been. How I have been.

Learning to value time after 30 years is not easy. It requires FIRST being told that you don’t.
And then learning skills to put into practice that work for people that do.
Thinking outside of the box you created for yourself… Which often means trying things that you tried before, but felt didn’t work… And prioritizing.

And remembering that you, your time, what you focus on is of the utmost importance. Worship is of the utmost importance.
So take your time… His time, and give it to Him.
I used to do “Dates with Jesus”. It was a fairly direct and structured way to spend time with God. To improve our relationship.
The problem was, I let that be the only way. So if I didn’t put aside 40 minutes a day to do each. Or if I did and didn’t feel different… I felt discouraged.

That’s the enemy. He perverts things that way.

But that discouragement worked and over time I took away His time, out of guilt or shame.
In return I felt even more disconnected. And then more shame…. It cycled.
And to the point that the very thing that connected me to God was perverted and I could no longer believe that I was worthy or capable of connecting with Christ unless I went to extremes.

Makes me think of those images you see in movies or books about preists beating themselves when they fell short.

But finally, in pure frustration with how far removed I had become…
(That was the Spirit. He shines light into your darkness like that.)
I cried out to God. And asked Him what I needed to do. And he simply said: Give me time.

He didn’t say: exactly 40 minutes, 40 days of fasting, and 6 days a week in the gym (this was a thing for me as well)… But, simply: Give Me Time.

This is not omitting what you may need to do but, rather prioritizing what I need you to do right now. Let me show you.
But I cannot show you what you are not giving time to receive.

So, basically. Read the Word. Pray. Sit in silence sometimes, but if that feels like something you’re not ready for… Read some more. Write. Talk. Talk it out. Write it out. Listen to sermons. And talk to those friends, those people that will really speak Life into you.

And then…. Give IT time.
Time for the seeds I have planted, specifically, and maticulously inside of you to grow… They will. You will see them.
Those and the weeds that we need to remove.

It takes time.

I’ve learnt and lost along the way
Yeah, I made mistakes
Yeah I felt all kinds of pain
And the reason why I’m here to stay
Is because my momma said
For things to be alright
“It takes time

It takes a little time, baby
It will be fine, yeah
It takes time, baby”
-“Time”, Yuna

Stay Blessed Y’all

Always,
Be
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Author: Benita Angela

Just a Free Black Girl trying to live the life God has set out for me with the gifts He has given me.

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