I started a devotional today. I’m always starting devotionals… But since I finished one, I started another. It’s started off pretty good because it got me writing. I love devotionals that encourage mindfulness; especially ones that encourage you to write down answers to questions or thoughts…
This one did that.
It had me read scripture passages and write down what they revealed about God’s purpose for me.
Specifically: “As you read today’s verses, write down some of new perspectives of purpose for your life as seen from God’s view.”
I immediately wrote down the following:
For God desires me:
-to be free
-to be faithful/to be Faith-filled
-to follow His Word, His Will, His Ways
-to honor Him
-to have peace
-to be light
-to be bold
-to be strengthened by His Word
-to Love others
-to Love Him (with all my heart, all my soul, & all my mind)
-to grow in Faithfulness, & Love, & Patience, & Kindness, & Self-control, & Goodness, & Joy, & Gentleness, & Peace
(Fruits of the Spirit)
If you noticed, I didn’t say God’s purpose or my purpose is…
That’s because, honestly, I’ve been struggling with remembering my purpose. Or rather, with believing my purpose, the one specific to me. That’s one of the reasons I’ve taken to devotionals so hard (I read about 3 a day). I want to remember. I want to believe. And this helps guide me into scripture a little more consistently.
It’s helped a little. The general practice of spending time in God’s Word is really the key.
However, I’ve noticed a trend:
Oftentimes there’s this discussion (especially throughout these devotionals I have been reading), to “remember God’s promises to you”; “hold on to His promises”… But as I’ve been transforming, it has been difficult to remember or, really even discern, God’s promises that are specific to me vs the desires of my own heart that I just HOPE He has for me.
As such, I feel like I can’t ‘hold on’ to those things as assurance of anything…
God changes our hearts. Gradually but He does. So I’m feeling that the things I wanted aren’t things I necessarily need. And, ultimately, they have been weights in my relationship with Christ. Not that they were sinful, but just that they were becoming significant pieces in my resentment or indifference towards God.
Because I didn’t have what I wanted, I was starting to doubt Him. And me. And seeds were planted and became confusion and fear. So much fear.
So I can’t hold onto “promises”… I have to hold onto His Word. And God’s DESIRES for me.
There’s a difference. I’m not saying that being aware of God’s promises isn’t nice. They can bring assurance. But when you understand the ROOTS of those promises… When you understand that His promises are simply symptoms or results of His DESIRES for you… THEN you have something to hold on to.
God’s desires and plans for us are how we can truly experience confidence and peace in our purpose. Because they expose His heart. And there is NOTHING stronger or more dependable than the heart of God.